I recently came home from the conference in Bethesda, MD. I had a good time. But not, I think, as good as most other attendees. Why do I think that? Because it looked like the others were having more fun, laughing, hugging, obviously delighted to see old friends, scrambling to put tables together for breakfast, for lunch, and again for dinner. But I needed to take a break a couple of times a day to go back to my room and relax. As always, I need to have a room to myself. I look for a chance to take a walk outside the hotel. By myself.
In other words, I am an introvert. So are many writers. Writing is just about the most solitary job there is. It’s just you, your favorite writing tools, and nobody else. In fact, if someone else walks in, your thoughts fly right out the window. Many (most?) great writers are or were introverts. J. K. Rowling, Agatha Christie, Edgar Allan Poe, and William Shakespeare to name a few. I’ve read books written in a tag-team way, with chapters written by different authors. To me, they are all perfectly awful. The Floating Admiral was written by fourteen of the best golden age mystery writers, all members of London’s Detection Club, and it can’t hold a candle to the stories any of the fourteen wrote on their own.
A lot of writers like to take their laptops to places like Starbucks where they can work, drink coffee, and feel the presence of other warm bodies. It’s cozy, but these writers are not collaborating. They are working alone in an occupied room. Nobody is doing stand-up comedy. They would be firmly silenced.
Developing a story amid distractions is like creating a portrait on an Etch-a-Sketch. One little jog of the elbow and it’s all gone. A ringing phone can vaporize an important idea. Good ideas take time to develop. They don’t come already formed and pre-packaged.
Some of my favorite memories of my childhood are of the long walks I used to take through the woods behind my house. Thank heaven my parents allowed me to go off by myself. When I was in high school this was my time to think through the day’s troubling events and make sense of them. Thank heaven they didn’t try to go with me (What is that girl up to? Can’t be good.) Other than discovering a strange sort of puff ball and a bright yellow slime mold, I don’t recall anything important that I discovered, but that’s not the point, is it? Somewhere in those solitary walks may have been the start of one of my novels.
But introverts like me must never forget that ideas come from other people. Too much isolation stunts the brain. Other people know stuff, too. I rather think the writers I noticed at Malice Domestic—laughing, talking, and enjoying the company—were gathering fodder for their next book, as well as simply enjoying the moment.
I wonder if there is a way to be both a people lover and a solitude lover? What do you think?
10 comments:
Maria, I can totally relate! I cherish my alone time but I gotta get out there in the world to get story ideas! Thanks for sharing! ~Jayne O
It’s nice to know that I am not the only one!
Maria, I'm an ISTJ, so I can relate (or commiserate). If I come away from a conference having met two or three people, it's quite an accomplishment. Though, I'll admit I've been getting better over time, with a lot of practice.
We've all known people who have "never met a stranger." They can strike up a conversation and make a new friend at the proverbial drop of a hat. Introverts, I think you will agree, prefer deeper, nearly permanent, friendships. Introverts guard their inner thoughts. To play off an old phrase, there are three types of communication: Telephone, Telegraph, and Tell-an-Extravert. We introverts don't like to have others share out thoughts. They're ours thoughts and if we want someone to know them, we'll say so.
The breaks you take are nature's way of allowing an introvert to "recharge" his or her emotional batteries. But an introvert's alone-time should never be confused with being "lonely."
In her book 'Quiet: The Power of the Introvert in a World that Can't Stop Talking,' Susan Cain provides exceptional insight into "our" introverted personality and how we can thrive in a society seemingly dominated by "the talkers." Give it a read. I think you'll be impressed.
Thank you for sharing. All the best, Mike
Thanks for the book idea, Michael. I'll check it out! Maria
I think you can be both. I am. When I have to be part of a group, or speak on a panel, or interact with writers at Malice I’m all in. But I prefer my rest times, privacy, and being alone. Growing up in a big family I was never alone and I value it now. I also wonder when Maria taught school, if a classroom can make you want more quiet time? Great post Maria! I enjoyed reading it,
Wow! What wonderful writing! I'm an introvert through and through, although enough caffeine sometimes helps me be more outgoing. INFP, Michael Riggs!
I'm in the introvert club too. I can work a conference and enjoy time with others, but it takes a lot out of me. I also have to retreat to the hotel room a couple of times a day for recharge time. I frequently get out and walk by myself. And then I usually go home and collapse for a couple of days.
Maria, thanks for the post. I have to fight for INTJ when taking quizzes or making new friends because both think I'm an extrovert. The truth is I can do extrovert for an hour and enjoy other people and learning about them. At 61 minutes, my battery dies. I just said no to an invite to someone's four-day wedding weekend: too bad, because I'd have loved to be at the ceremony (slated for half an hour)! As a kid my favorite place was the library Like you, I walked in woods near home as a kid, and it allowed me sensory "togetherness" (with the world) and an occasional good talk with a quiet friend. I've forgotten my day camp buddies names, but I still recall the taste and wetness and the nutty freshness of the milk in those small, waxy cartons the Y gave us at recess. The sun through the trees and squirrels running along the ground in the fall leaves and each book I got out of the library and read while I curled up in a chair with a box of hermit cookies are more memorable than most of the people I've loved. So are the cookies.
Wonderful post Maria! I love reading about not only your personal experience with going to Malice but hearing about what you enjoy! I feel like I am both (like Teresa too). I can speak to others and make friends but like you, I like my alone time as well! I don't necessarily take walks in the woods (too scary for me and I'm allergic to about every tree, branch and flower out there!) but I would want my own room at the conference. Like you too, I cannot write at Starbucks, etc. I have to be at home, alone with my coffee and my animals! Interestingly, I do like to hug people and shake hands, but I wasn't always a hugger. I think with my husband and his family being huggers it changed me! I used to be like this is my personal space, do NOT enter it! I do have one question for you? As an introvert, where do you get your best writing ideas from? while your walking? for me it's when I'm sleeping, my dreams are my best writing ideas!
This struck such a chord, Maria! You captured one of the most daunting things about conferences & conventions...and one of the most wonderful, too--all the people. I'm an introvert too, and even the family vacation, as much as I love it, with no "alone time," becomes overwhelming at times. But I agree: I DO think one, as a writer, can be both an introvert & a people lover. I think one must be both, on some level (or at least deeply interested in people and their motivations)...even if one "loves at a distance" :)
Post a Comment