THE CASE OF THE MISSING APPLE SEASON part 1 by Yvonne Saxon

 

The Fannie Farmer 1896 Cook Book

   September. Labor Day weekend. Feet up on the desk, hoping for an easy Friday and then taking off early for the holiday weekend.

 Plans? No big plans. business is slow when regular people are chasing the last cookout before the kiddos go back to school. Me? Leaving early to save on the electric bill.
Then she hammered on the door. 
Of all the county agricultural extension offices in all the rural counties in all the world, she has to walk into mine.
 “It’s open, don’t break it down” I called. A gorgeous dame, dressed smartly in an interesting shade of green, swooped in.
 “Mr. Braeburn I’ve been robbed! They’re destroying everything I’ve worked for-you have to help me!” 
“Why don’t you take a deep breath and tell me your name,” I said, motioning her to a chair while abandoning my idea of leaving early. 

She inhaled. “Everyone knows me as Granny Smith.”
 Wowsers, did she look good for her age! 
She must’ve read my thoughts. “ I’m a seventh generation descendent of the first CEO of Granny Smith Apple Orchards.”
 “So, Miss Smith, tell me what’s going on and how you think I can help.” 
Here’s what she told me:
 For some years now she'd noticed that sales were down. The apple orchards weren’t bringing in the crowds for the farm stands, even less for the 'pick your own' days. 
It wasn’t just that, but contracts with major retailers to push apple treats, apple and cider drinks, and apple baked goods had fallen off dramatically. Fall festivals were not taking vendors for apple themed products. She suspected foul play. 
"Who do you think is behind all this?" I asked her.
"I know who, Agent Braeburn, and you do too."
"Why don’t you spell it all out for me ma’am."
 Her eyes flashed. "It’s Big Pumpkin. They’ve been encroaching on my apple season for years! We used to have most of July, August, and September, but now they’ve taken over and pushed me out of the market entirely. I want you to help me get apple season back. They’ve been taking it little by little for years, but now it’s gone, completely gone.” 
I wasn’t sure what to say. This lady looked golden delicious but she was a few apples short of a bushel if she wanted to fight the syndicate. “You want me to help you fight Big Pumpkin?” 

She nodded. “Big Pumpkin Spice syndicate has pushed apple season off the Internet.” She continued: "I went out to the Internet early this morning to see how the apple season was doing on social media. Imagine my horror when all I could find was pumpkin!
 “I’m sorry Miss Smith. This is way out of my league.”
 Her shoulders sagged. "Then at least help me get my recipes back.” She told me that her recipes are part of the American culture and have been made by American cooks since well before the first Roxbury russet apple tree sprung up near Boston around 1635. 
"They took your recipes?" I admit I was a little slow following her. 
"They might as well have. Big pumpkin has bombarded the Internet with so much pumpkin that nobody could find them. When I searched fall recipes, I got a picture of Martha Stewart standing with a wheelbarrow full of pumpkins." She broke down at that. I handed her a tissue.
 "It’s taken over. It’s pumpkin donuts in August, it’s pumpkin spice coffee and creamer, pumpkin bagels spread with pumpkin spice cream cheese beside bowls of pumpkin spice oatmeal, and even pumpkin yogurt, for goodness sakes, but I couldn’t find one apple bagel.
 I sighed. “I hate to tell you this, but we’re probably not gonna regain that territory.”
 She wiped her eyes. "Think about it, Mr. Braeburn, do we say ‘as easy as pumpkin pie’? No, it’s apple. Did Ben Franklin write ‘a pumpkin a day keeps the doctor away’? Did generations of school children bring a ‘pumpkin’ for the teacher? 
She was really getting agitated now. “Do you know that I had a recipe for apple pan dowdy that is over 250 years old? You can’t find an easier pie recipe than in my ‘Receipt Book’ from Richmond, Virginia published in 1863. Fannie Farmer’s Original 1896 Cookbook has a dozen apple recipes listed.” 
Those beautiful golden green eyes were begging for my help. What could I do?
 “I promise you, Miss Smith, I’ll find your recipes if it’s the last thing I do.” 

While my attempt at apple-noir wasn't serious, my love of old recipes is! If you have a favorite old apple recipe, tell me about it in the comments.