THE WRITERLY LIFE: PERCEPTION vs. REALITY by Jayne Ormerod

Many people I’ve met are envious of the writerly life. But their perceptions of what it’s like to be a writer don’t quite match up to reality. Here are my observations.

     What society thinks I do: Spend all day rolling around in my royalty money.

     What my friends think I do: Go to lunch with them (well, yes, I do that a lot) and then go home and roll around in royalty money.

     What my family thinks I do: Binge on Chunky Monkey ice cream while watching TV, reaching out to tap out a few lofty and erudite sentences when the muse hits. (In my defense I do need to “study” the “occasional” movie for plotting and dialogue training. But it’s all under the banner of “continuing education.") And then roll around in royalty money.

     What my agent thinks I do: Write…excuses as to why I need an extension on my deadline. She knows there is no royalty money in which to roll around.

     What my dogs think I do: Wait by the door to let them out. Wait by the door to let them in. Wait by the door to let them out. Wait by the door to let them in. (Anyone who has dogs can relate…) They don’t give a flying fig about royalty money.

     What I think I do: Tap-tap-tapity-tap all day long, churning out page after page of gripping stories, then send to my agent and wait for the royalty money to roll in.

     What I really do:

· Stare at a blank white screen, write a few sentences. Delete. Write. Delete. (Repeat as necessary.)

·   Click over to an online game of mahjong--it has been scientifically proven that a few minutes of a mindless task can boost one’s creativity. (Repeat as necessary.)

·   Scamper to the pantry for a li’l sumpin' sumpin'. (Repeat as necessary.)

· Fantasize about what I will do with all that royalty money, once I earn it. (Repeat as necessary...it's very motivating.) 

You can probably see why I am not a prolific writer…so many stumbling blocks to productivity!

Here’s the reality: only about 300 writers actually make a LIVING from writing. The rest of us (and we’re talking thousands, if not tens of thousands, of people) make less than $1,000 a year. And just because a writer has one big (or even mediocre) hit does not guarantee the next one will meet with even a tenth of that success. I guess that’s why John Steinbeck said: “The profession of book-writing makes horse-racing seem like a solid, stable business.”

So, why do writers write? Because, as we say around the (proverbial) water cooler, “It’s cheaper than therapy.”

At the end of every writing day it's time to celebrate my accomplishments. Whether the success is measured in one good word, one strong sentence, or an amazing clickety-clack producing 3,000 words, I'll pour myself a wee bit of cabernet and sit on the porch and plot the murder (literarily) of one of my characters. Cheers!

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For more information on Jayne, and her writings, please visit her website at JayneOrmerod.com or her personal Life's a Beach blog at JayneOrmerod.blogspot.com.