GETTING BEATEN UP! By: Kimberly Thorn

I am still hard at work researching another awesome writer to share with you how they helped make the pen mightier than the sword.  While I work on that, I felt you needed to have some fun. I know I do at least. Until next time, when I introduce a new timeless writer, I hope you enjoy the following!

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Starting something new can be exhilarating but it can also be scary. Although I have written smaller pieces of prose, I have dreamed ever since I was a child that I would become a famous published author of novels. Specifically, that I would be listed on the New York Times Bestseller List. I am fast realizing that my dream is not going to be an easy one.  Writing a novel, any novel, but especially the first one is a tough job. It can be a big struggle. There are several reasons why. First, characters do not always do what you want them to do. Second, the greatest novel writers say that there should be a theme weaved into the novel. Third, writers need to know when to and when not to reveal certain information to the reader.

PICK YOUR POISON: TIPS FOR A "PLANT BASED" MYSTERY! by Yvonne Saxon

 

You see "plant-based" options everywhere: in grocery stores, in restaurants, even in fast food establishments. But unless you want to end up as a real-life victim, you'll want to pass on the following plant-based offerings and use these tips in a mystery instead!

1. Don't eat your vegetables! Did you know there's such a thing as "death by lima bean"? Raw lima beans contain extremely high levels of cyanide. How you get your character to ingest them is up to you, but for those you're keeping alive, thoroughly cook the beans, uncovered, so that the poison escapes as gas. Drain the cooking water too, unless you're "offing" more characters!

NAMING YOUR CHARACTERS by Maria Hudgins

 

I feel like some writers give their characters random names. Maybe they throw darts at a phone book or something. But this system would now be obsolete. (What's a phone book, Daddy?) But in fact one famous writer did just that. Allegedly. Somerset Maugham is said to have named a couple by the phone book method and chosen their address from a street map of London. It is said that Maugham was threatened with a lawsuit when a couple with a similar name actually lived at a similar address and took exception to Maugham's version of the shenanigans going on at their house.

WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD CHARACTERS BY Guest Blogger Jayne Ormerod

“Stop jumping on the bed before you fall off and crack your head open!”

How many times did you hear that when you were young? Or perhaps yelled it to rambunctious children yourself? Okay, now raise your hand if you’re guilty of leaping fearlessly across the chasm between twin beds anyway, and managed to do so safely. I see I’m in good company.

Yes, I’ve knocked a few pictures askew, broken a lamp or two, maybe even left a few dents in the plaster wall, but I have never, ever, in all my years of bed jumping, cracked my head open. Leave it to my mom to always warn me about the worst possible outcome of any situation.

“Don’t run with scissors or you’ll poke your eye out.”

“Don’t get near the lawnmower without shoes on or you’ll cut your foot off.”

“Don’t lick the beaters while the mixer is on because it will yank your tongue clear out of your mouth.”

WRITERS ON WRITING By Angela G. Slevin

 

Sometimes, a writer needs a break from writing. Even though writers love it, any job can become a grind now and then. How do other writers keep at it, year after year, book after book? These three books on writing have given me back some pep in my writing step, along with good advice and tools that I hadn’t thought about in a while.

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King stands out to me right from the start. It has a first, second and third foreword, which is unusual, and although I don’t read forewords, that piqued my curiosity. As I skimmed the shorter ones, I read, “This is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit.” What?! I was disarmed by this honesty. And I felt like I was being dared to continue reading, just to prove Steve wrong, so of course I had to continue.

WRITERS UNITE: REJECT REJECTION! By Michael Rigg

Rejection Has Many Facets

 A well-known and respected periodical, which shall remain nameless,   provides a simple online mechanism for writers to submit their short   works of fiction for consideration. No need to suffer through thirty-   nine steps of instructions. And it provides an equally simple   mechanism  for tracking those submissions. Beyond a shadow of     doubt, the submission and tracking process are straightforward, not an     elastic affair with ever-changing rules. 

That simplicity belies something notorious, something to leave a hopeful author spellbound by the negativity and unable to cope. That something lies in the terms this well-known and respected periodical uses to describe the status of your submission.

Received. That’s understandable enough. They have received your magnum opus, the lifeboat to which your fragile ego clings, hoping soon to read the joyful status: Accepted. (I assume that’s what it is. None of my submissions have been chosen for publication—yet.)

But then, there’s that word they use to describe stories not selected for publication: REJECTED.

Rejection—it’s something most, perhaps all, writers have experienced. What a horrible word, rejection—in any form. What a mean-spirited, ghastly thing, rejection, a word, many-faceted, each aspect more horrific that the last.  

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary (Cambridge English Dictionary: Definitions & Meanings), rejection refers to:  

-the act of refusing to accept, use, or believe someone or something;

-a letter, etc. that tells you that you have been unsuccessful in getting a job, a place on a course of study, etc.; or

-the act of not giving someone the love and attention they want and expect.

With one hurtful word, the writer’s repulsed, like a lice-ridden enemy hoard scaling the castle walls. Like a seething bacterial infection struck down by the miracle of penicillin. Despondency reigns, emotions ripped apart, like a torn curtain. That damnable magazine and its editor. They aren’t giving us the love and attention we want and expect. Barbarians all, those who inflict rejection on us!   

I confess. I don’t understand why the editor of this esteemed periodical insists on being such a psycho, a saboteur of young and innocent writers who put their faith and trust in this publishing powerhouse that their hard work will be recognized and rewarded.

But the solution is simple, elegant perhaps. Were I a secret agent, able to enter quietly through a rear window into the periodical’s inner sanctum, I’d scurry about in a surreptitious frenzy and plant this idea:

Replace the word rejected with the word DECLINED. 

What a pleasant way to be told ‘No.’ “We received your submission, reviewed it with glee, and decline to publish it at this time. Warmest regards and best wishes for a successful writing career.” Certainly, it’s kinder and gentler that the current “Eff Off, you unworthy, spineless mendicant. Your story stinks and we REJECTED it, just as we reject YOU.” 

So please, kind editor, switch to using Declined. Where you lead, other editors (and agents) will follow! After all, wouldn’t you agree that Rejected is for the birds?

STRENGTHEN YOUR SUBMISSIONS STRATEGY PART 4, by Max Jason Peterson

Please note that for this post, I kept the pictures at their "original" size to be sure you can see them, since they're nitpicky Excel details.

For those who are fans of this series, I'm getting into the nitty gritty details now. If you follow along, you'll soon be creating your own spreadsheets and getting fired up by your submission statistics. For instance, today I'm celebrating having made 100 submissions of [redacted novel title]. 

For those who want to catch up or review where we are:

Part1

Part2

Part3

Please think about what level of detail would work for you. You can be minimalist or go all out.